


House Elf Trouble

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-12
Updated: 2007-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-01 12:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Harry finds that helping a house elf has unexpected consequences.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

How many times do I have to tell you I am not J. K. Rowling?

This was written for Sbkar and the Hurricane Katrina need for humor challenge on TSS.

Unbeta’d

House Elf Trouble

The Savior-of-the-Wizarding-World tore through the many twisting corridors of the Hogwarts dungeons. The look of abject horror on the young professor’s face would have convinced anyone seeing him that something much worse than the Dark Lord was on his heels.

Reaching the heavy wooden door at the end of the corridor, Harry brought up his wand and muttered the strongest unlocking charms he could remember. With another mental push, he broke through the many wards protecting the rooms and burst through the door. Slamming the solid door shut behind him, Harry slumped back against the wood and struggled to catch his breath.

Obsidian eyes gazed at the unexpected intruder as a deep, chocolaty voice enquired, “And to what do I owe the displeasure of your presence in my private quarters, Potter?”

Sighing, Harry pushed himself off the door and answered, “Sorry, Sev. But it was an emergency and I just needed to find a safe haven. Your quarters were the closest, so…”

“Indeed, and what could possibly have happened to have driven you into my sanctuary?” the potions master pressed.

Sitting down in an armchair, Harry ignored the fact that he was an uninvited guest. “Well, to tell you the truth, I really don’t know what happened.” Running a hand through his messy locks, the young DADA professor frowned. “I had skipped dinner because I was supervising a detention and so had gone down to the kitchens afterwards to get something to eat. When I got there, some of the house elves were in a bit of a row and being the foolhardy Gryffindor that I am, I stepped in to try to sort things out. Well, it turned out that Winky had been drinking butterbeer again and the other house elves had surrounded her and were attempting to throw her out of Hogwarts permanently. So I finally managed to get them to leave her alone, but then the thing decided that she had to thank me for my help.”

Shuddering as he recalled just how the house elf wished to show her gratitude, Harry absently accepted a glass of scotch from the acerbic former Death Eater and spy for the Light. Since defeating He-Who-Wouldn’t-Buy-a-Clue-and-Just-Die-Already, Harry had returned to Hogwarts and taken up the now curse-free position of Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. Much to his surprise and delight, Harry had found that Severus Snape had put aside much of the snarky potions master’s persona he had held while the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters were a danger. Indeed, Harry had been pleased to accept the friendship that his former professor had offered.

Sitting back in his own comfortable chair, Severus regarded his colleague for a moment before taking a sip of his own drink. “And what, may I ask, could the creature have said to you that has you in such a state?”

Taking another sip of the scotch, Harry worked to find his voice. “She, she wants to… to sleep with me!” he finally managed to get out.

An eyebrow rose in astonishment as the potions master processed this information. “Surely you misunderstood her, Potter?”

Shaking his head, Harry sighed. “No, I thought so too at first, but then she started telling me just how she was going to ‘please’ me, and then I fled. She followed, but I think I managed to lose her for at least a little while. Sev, what am I going to do? I do not want to have sex with a house elf. And I certainly don’t want a female!”

The thin lips quirked into a smile as Severus Snape saw an opportunity. “In the interest of house elf relations, I might be persuaded to assist you in deterring the grateful creature’s advances.”

Emerald eyes held the dark eyes for a moment. “And just what do you propose, Sev?”

“Simply; by demonstrating that you are already taken, you will be able to convince her to leave you alone.” Obsidian eyes watched as the young man thought over the offer. As Harry nodded, the potions master allowed no trace of his emotions to surface. 

A loud crack sounded in the quiet room and Winky rushed to her own personal savior. “Master Harry, sir, Winky is wanting to thank you. Please sir, let Winky take care of your needs.”

Jumping up, Harry decided to take up Sev’s offer and hurriedly sat in the potions master’s lap. He threw his arms around the older wizard and taking a breath, dove in for a kiss. Severus pulled the DADA professor closer and quickly took over the kiss. After a moment, both men forgot all about the over-eager house elf as they gave themselves to the other. 

 

Smiling, Winky quietly popped out of the room and reappeared in the kitchens. “Dobby, Dobby, Winky is doing just what Dobby is telling her and it worked. Master Harry and Master Snape is kissing. Dobby is brilliant!” the excited house elf said as she threw herself at her lover.

~The End~


End file.
